His Presence

Yesterday was a long day.  My head was spinning with all the possible outcomes the blood test result would bring into motion. Was I having another miscarriage? Did I have an ectopic pregnancy, in which my life could be in danger?  Was the baby fine and my bleeding was considered normal? – These were all the scenerios the emergency room doctor gave me.   My head was not the only thing spinning…my heart was turning in my chest feeling like it might explode from the uncertainty.  Oh, how hard it is to wait for a test result!  I just wanted to have an answer.   In the morning I read the following from a daily devotional (written in the form of Jesus being the author):

Let Me prepare you for the day that stretches out before you.  I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it.  You would like to see a map, showing all the twists and turns of your journey.  You’d feel more prepared if you could somehow visualize what is on the road ahead.  However, there is a better way to be prepared for whatever you will encounter today: Spend quality time with Me.  I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey.  My living Presence is your companion each step of the way.  Stay in continual communication with Me, whispering My Name whenever you need to redirect your thoughts.  Thus, you can walk through this day with your focus on Me.  My abiding Presence is the best road map available. author: Sarah Young from the book, Jesus Calling

Daily devotionals have a way of speaking to your need for the day.  I almost fell over when I read it – to think that God knew I would read that on this day!  I was reminded of the importance of setting my mind on God and not on my circumstances, trusting that He is in CONTROL.

I was not given the test result until 4:30 pm.  The test revealed that I did NOT have an ectopic pregnancy – which was a true blessing!  However, the numbers indicated that I was experiencing a miscarriage.  I did my best to keep it together as I discussed the next plan of action with the nurse…disclosing my history of miscarriages.  After a long discussion of what the doctor thought would be the safest situation for me, we decided to delay our flight to Africa until February 2.

My emotions are still very raw.  We have been through this before but the grieving is different each time.  The loss seems to have compounded with each miscarriage.  However, great comfort comes from knowing that God is my refuge and strength! I plan to post more of what God has been showing me through this hard time in the next few days.  He has shown me  the good in the midst of what I would define as bad.   I am so thankful for His word and the power it has to transform my heart.  I am thankful for His presence in my life!

Paul and I are thankful to be able to grieve with family in person as we are reminded they are grieving the loss of a grandchild/nephew/niece/cousin.   The boys are doing well.  They are focusing on the fact that we have some more time in the States with family.

Once again, we have been overwhelmed by the love and support from all of you.  Thank you for praying for us.

Delayed

We were scheduled to leave for Kenya on Monday, January 10.  However, as I post this, we are still in San Diego.

The short explanation is that Cammy is pregnant again.  We have not told a lot of people.  It is always easy to bring good news to people, but really a chore to bring bad news, especially when it is your own bad news.  After the three miscarriages in ’09 and the “silence” since, we were sort of keeping things on the down low. Not telling the good news meant not having to bring the bad news if it should come to that.

She is not far along, maybe 6 weeks.  She had a concern about something and went to the doctor on Sunday night.  Nothing came up specifically, but there were some oddities in matching up some of the blood work with the ultrasound.  She goes for more tests on Wednesday.

We appreciate your prayers.  God has a plan, and we know that.  We cannot see the big picture, or know how any of this fits in, but we trust He is good.  Please pray that He would be glorified and we would continue to praise Him through whatever lies ahead.

I am sure Cammy will want to share how God is working for her through this.  The hardest part for me has been praying with the boys about it. To see the trust and hope of a child humbles me.

God is good all the time.  Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Picture Video

For about a year and a half, we had a friend working at OFM.  She and Cammy were quite close, in fact she came out to California to visit us while we are on home assignment.  With some input from Cammy, she made a video for us with a bunch of our pictures.  She also took some of the pictures, you can tell which ones, they look professional.